10th April 2008ce

"...the clock stopped, short, never to go again, when the old man died." I was told my genetic father had just died while reading Chapter III of _Liber AL vel Legis_. I had just read the line "Bahlasti! Ompehda! I spit on your crapulous creeds" when I got the call. He was seventy-nine years of age and had left nothing but a trail of utter destruction behind him. What a disgusting man - in every way. Karma Police, arrest this man... and they will.
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7th April 2008ce
On the 13th of this month, living:stone will be playing a live, improvised-haven't-got-a-clue-what's-going-to-happen-gig. The rest of the band don't know this yet - they think it's just a run through the usual set. I can't wait to see their faces when I tell them about it tomorrow night. You've got to keep it dangerous, for you will not learn ANYTHING from what you already know.
Anyway, a question for you - who IS that voice that whispers to you inside your head? You know the one I mean, y'know, THAT voice...
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4th April 2008ce
On this day in 1968, Martin Luther King was assassinated, but Immortality was assured. Why do humans destroy Love?
Anyway, I've been creating a thing I have named _wordmusic_ and it's driving me to a beautiful state of insanity. It's a system for playing written text as music, and it has thrown up a fascinating twist, when it is considered how the creator of this Music would actually be the Author of the text itself. The Musician is merely acting in a role of a 'decoder'. He is simply applying a system - the text determines what the Music will be.
Things are good at the moment.
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28th February 2008ce
I'm trying my best to gently float above the world, watching, trying to Understand, wishing it rain down from a great height on us all. The "it"? Why it's none other than Divinity.
Elevate your Mind and Free your Soul...
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11th February 2008ce
"Time, he flexes like a whore..."
There have been some pretty strange anomalies happening recently with time in my world. The last week has felt like a month and sometimes one single moment can feel like an hour. May this shift in perception continue because it is good.
I was reading about Dr. Aubrey de Grey's idea of extending human life expectancy - "What I'm after is not living to 1,000. I'm after letting people avoid death for as long as they want to" he stated.
Alas, the fear of physical death haunts most. "Gotta put it off, even though it's going to happen, I've just gotta put off the inevitable as long as I possibly can."
You ARE going to physically die. Absolute Fact... so that's a pretty damn-good reason to "Seize The Day".
When I think of some of the people I know from my everyday life and think of them being around for 500 years, or more to the point, ME being around THEM for 500 years, it is kinda scary...
"Time, he's waiting in the wings..."
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29th January 2008ce
I've just heard the recorded live session we did for the BBC Radio. It sounds great, although with a 'warts 'n all' live performance there are some 'ropey' parts, but hey, FLAUNT those imperfections baby. We're not perfect or anywhere near it. Are you?
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30th December 2007ce
fashion. smashion. sing. don't sing. turn. turn. kick! turn. pray. stop praying. left. right. sit down. stand up. god. devil. good.evil. wrong. right. keep on. or stop.
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19th December 2007ce
I'm busy co-writing and producing a piece of Music, "Wall". It's a task I set myself and I'm loving it. It involves the pieceing together of seperate Musical parts written by people from the US, Finland, Scotland and Ireland. All that remains to be done is a recording of text spoken in Irish Gaelic. That will be done on the '07 Winter Solstice, the day the Northern Hemisphere is in Darkness the longest. And therein lies a little Mystery...
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11th December 2007ce
Last night we recorded a living:stone live session for Radio play. We played seven songs, each three times - that's twenty one songs sung with extreme intensity, in a row. By the end of it I was completely bolloxed. It was good to actually hear how the live setup sounds. It's good and could be better, but hey, the groove and feeling is there and that'll do for me.
I'm really looking forward to getting the chaps together to rehearse the new set of songs going under the title of "belfastsongs".
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28th November 2007ce
Igor Stravinsky's Rite of Spring. Music with such Power which is undefinable, yet real. Or maybe it's delusion on my part. Either way, I can't stop listening to it at the moment.
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25th November 2007ce
The song 'joy' from the 'Voyeurism' EP has been getting a lot of radio airplay which is very flattering. I had a surreal experience the other day when I got into my car and switched the radio on to hear the second verse of 'joy' immediately coming out of the speakers. Very weird.
I've been thinking lately how the whole 'living:stone' project is one big ego-trip. That's not a nice thought. I comfort myself by thinking it's a destruction of the ego rather than an embellishment. Maybe it's the 'I'm a Leo, so I have to be a big-shot" thing. I mean, the fact that I keep an online diary about myself is in a sense ridiculous and totally ego-driven, however in another sense, it's the most theraputic thing I've done and has made me face my ego and attempt to overcome it. Either way, the manifestation of this character known as "living:stone" is a drug. A release.
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17th November 2007ce
The last card in the Tarot Deck is "The World". Then it's back to the start with Card#1, "The Fool". That's exactly what is happening to me. I'm gaining The World on one level and entering the next as a Fool. A Novice. A Noob.
It's a game of Snakes and Ladders. You get to the top and slide back down... then you get to the bottom and climb back up, ad infinitum.
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14th October 2007ce
I've just spent four days in Berlin meeting and speaking with a bunch of very clever people meeting under a pseudenom of 'The Pythagoras Society'.
I didn't get to see much of that amazing City due to the intensity of the discussions and presentations, but I did see the incredible Brandenburg Gate, the Berlin Wall and the highlight was a visit to the Pergamon Museum for a personal pilgrimage to see and experience The Pergamon Altar.
I kept a running diary throughout the trip and one entry reads, "I'm sitting on the top step of the Pergamon Altar. In the Pergamon Museum, Berlin. Me. From the Ravenhill Road in East Belfast. Sitting on the top step of the fucking Pergamon Altar. I've travelled a long way since the days of the Ravenhill Road in East Belfast. Be proud.".
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4th October 2007ce
It was a beautiful, golden Autumn day. A train journey followed by a really enjoyable walk. As I was walking along the tree-lined Ardenlee Avenue, I kept noticing the opened shells of chestnuts fallen from the trees. The green, spikey shells were scattered here and there and they got me thinking - I wondered how many of 2007's children would be going to their local park to throw sticks up at the chestnut trees to knock the "conkers" off? They of course would then take their prizes home to drill a hole through the conkers, then bake them in an oven for a short while to harden them. A shoelace would then be threaded through the conkers in time to take them into school the next day to take part in a conker fights.
Now in 2007 they would have to be on-line virtual conkers for any of today's children to become interested.
Anyway, Autumn is here - Please DO bend down for the one called "The Green Man"...
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22nd September 2007ce
It's one month and five days since the last entry into this little diary. My dearest little diary, I've been ignoring you. I've been getting all philosophical with another diary, or blog as it's called. My dearest little diary, I'm sorry. I've been cheating on you with someone else. But it's YOU I love - not that other blog. She's not in your league. My dearest little diary, YOU are all that matters to me - not some cheap, little whore of a blog.
Well then, why did I go looking for release of my pent up philosophical frustrations with someone else? Because that other blog made me feel special... important... exciting... sexy. But believe me, I LOVE YOU and no other.
On another note, last night, living:stone played a fekkin' great gig at the Black Box in Belfast. If you weren't there, shame on you.
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17th August 2007ce
I'm just back from a living:stone gig at The Pavilion in Belfast.
It was a scream. The first band were more like 'The Band' than 'The Band' were. The last band played a set of epileptic 70's TV-theme music sung in a Luther-Vandross-with-the-shits style voice.
living:stone popped up in between these pieces of pastiche and played seven songs... and genuinely freaked a lot of people out.
I did consider WHY living:stone were playing to an audience of conservative "normal" people who reeked of the "Man Asleep". The point of genuine interest for me is how that crowd would criticise what we were doing, when it is in actual fact because of their closed-doors perception of how they 'think' music should be - catchy, melodic with a nice chorus to sing along to - no apologies, living:stone defiantly don't do that.
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7th August 2007ce
So much has happened over the past two weeks in my Subjective World. If those things manifest in my Objective World, I'll be a few steps closer to either Wisdom or Delusion. But then it's not finding the Holy Graal that matters, it's all in the search.
Welcome to Your World. Enjoy the ride.
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25th July 2007ce
It's getting pretty difficult to find an intelligent person who actually believes in a Saviour and/or a Deity. Anyone can hope there is a Deity who governs how the Universe functions, or believe there is one, but that most certainly does not make it a reality. For example, the current First Minister of the Northern Ireland Government, the notorious Ian Paisley believes and preaches that the Pope is The Antichrist. Does that make it true? No. It simply means that he is suffering from the effects of Apophenia.
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22nd July 2007ce
Later on today I'll be playing music at a Circus with Vic Bronzini-Fulton and Chris McEvoy, two other members of living:stone. It's music we've created together specifically for this show titled "Sapced Out" and it's around a Barbarella/Sci-Fi theme. The show is brilliantly funny and we're having a great time being the live soundtrack.
Next week sees the restart of rehearsals for forthcoming living:stone gigs. I'm looking forward to getting some new songs together with the band.
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17th July 2007ce
At this moment in time, it's going sort of "well". Progression is being made. What is around the corner?
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28th June 2007ce
"Neo, sooner or later you're going to realize just as I did that there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." ('Morpheus' from The Matrix).

Note that Morpheus told Neo that he WAS going to come to a realisation, like a Father speaking to his Son from knowledge gained from his own experience. Morpheus was telling Neo that whether he liked it or no, he WAS going to grow up and evolve into someone who was "walking the path".

Yes folks, it's time for the Human Race to stop being afraid of actually GROWING UP and taking responsibility for our own actions. You can't blame an unseen Deity for EVERYTHING! If you're a twat then simply stop BEING a twat. It's not that complicated when you think about it.
If you want to stop a war, don't hold endless talks about talks about talks, just stop fighting - then the war is over. Finished.
Don't be frightened of yourself.

'It's in the trees! It's coming!' (Kate Bush - Hounds of Love)
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18th June 2007ce
"All you ever get is what you steal."
That's a line taken from the song "Chant" by Public Image Ltd from the 1979 album masterpiece "Metal Box". I tend to go along with that sentiment.
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14th June 2007ce
Later tonight I am playing a gig with living:stone at the Empire Music Hall in Belfast. It really is a great place to play and I'm looking forward immensely to it. The gig shall be known forthwith as "The Fehu Working". I need the money :-)
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11th May 2007ce
Belfast is emerging slowly from religious division - a division so incestuous that a person could be identified as Catholic or Protestant by the most miniscule of details, oblivious to an outsider. For example, the way a person would say the alphabet would reveal his Religious background. A Catholic would pronounce the letter "H" as "Haich" and a Protestant would say it as "Aich" with no "H" sound at the beginning. This snippet of information would be enough sometimes to get your head severely kicked in by a gang overhearing one of your conversations.

In Belfast, there is the 'Albert Bridge' running from the City Centre towards the East Side of the City. Dependent on what side of that bridge you walked on as you were heading home revealed which Religion you "belonged to". If you walked on the left side, you were a Catholic going towards the "Short Strand" area and if you walked on the right side, you were a Protestant going towards the "Ravenhill" or "Woodstock" areas.

I wrote and recorded a song about the scenario of walking along the Albert Bridge and seeing a group of four guys crossing over the road and coming towards me. The song is titled "Spunkblood" and is taken from the album 'A Collection of Music'.



To hear "Spunkblood", click "Play" button and turn your speaker up LOUD for an Enhanced Darkened Experience of a Nightmare... and a word of Warning; "Spunkblood" is NOT nice.
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2nd May 2007ce
Mayday has just passed and since then it has been the most glorious, uplifting and inspirational weather. This morning was just beautiful. What else can I say but "Thank You"?
I have finally finished the 'Voyeurism' EP recordings. Well, when I say finished, it's not really. There is SO much I would love to re-record. When I listen to the five songs I cringe at certain parts, but in the business of writing and recording music, that is ALWAYS the case. I am never truly content with what I do, which is more than likely a lack-of-confidence thing. Or maybe the music of livng:stone is genuinely 'pants' and I can't admit it. Who cares anyway? Today I am just thankful for what I have.
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19th April 2007ce
Ordinary Life: Today I took my battle-scarred, yet still trusty Skoda to the M.O.T. centre for a test to see if it was still roadworthy, and it IS!! The Inspector dude actually passed that car! Miracles will never cease. Next we'll have Protestants and Catholics being nice to each other... or that is probably asking waaayyy too much.
Five nights earlier: living:stone played at The Spring and Airbrake in Belfast and it was just great. A BBC review stated that we "funk around onstage like an embarrassing dad dancing to an '80s wedding band". That's DEFINITELY me he's talking about. "We'll see what he or she, God Bless 'em, is like after 43 years of living on this Galactic Zoo we know as Earth", I reply rather smugly... or does the truth that I DO "funk around onstage like an embarrassing dad dancing to an '80s wedding band" hurt too much? It must do for why else would I care to mention it here?
Right Now: Living is good. We, in this society have SO much to be thankful for, yet it IS Human Nature to take things for granted. Isn't that how evolution happens - elements of life becoming familiar with other elements and adapting to them because of the continual interaction with each other? Time for B.E.D.
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31st March 2007ce
The surreal times of the past for some reason just came back to me tonight. I was thinking about the family I grew up within. God, they were MAD, and no other word does them justice better. "Insane" sounds much too clever to describe them and here's one example of the livingstone madness;
When I was about four years old I developed a bad case of whooping cough. My Father in all his wisdom was told a story in a pub about a man who lived out in the countryside and was a "Seventh Son of a Seventh Son" who allegedly "had healing powers".
That was it. I was whisked into the car and driven to see this Messiah of Whooping Coughs. The man took a saucer of milk and held a ferret over the dish and let the animal lick the milk for a short while. The "Seventh Son of a Seventh Son" then poured the ferret-licked milk from the saucer into a glass and told me to "drink it all". I did; well wouldn't you under those conditions? Mad Fathers and Farmers standing over you with milk and ferrets can be a tad intimidating to a four year old...
A strange, surreal moment and not one I would recommend, but it was perfectly normal to my barking mad Father. Although strangely enough, the whooping cough very quickly disappeared after that, but hey, could you ever take an Old Wive's Tale seriously?
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26th March 2007ce
Later today I will helping some children to get ready to play in two separate ensembles at a School Spring Concert. They are all very excited about performing in public and to be part of their excitement gives me a great buzz. One of the ensembles will be performing their own composition that I have helped them with. The energy they put into their own song is Art in its purest sense - young, uninhibited, passionate energy, driven by a Love of what they are doing... and there lies a great message for the "adults" of this world - the ones who "take a quiet life and a handshake of carbon monoxide..."
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23rd March 2007ce
Last night I finished recording the last piece of music for a forthcoming release by living:stone. It is finally recorded, but still has to be mixed and mastered. It's driving me ever-so-slightly mad but hey, that's the price for making a dick of yourself and offering a piece of yourself to the public.
Why can't I just do the normal thing and stay at home, pottering about the house like a lost soul?
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18th March 2007ce
"Why this is hell, nor am I out of it. Think'st thou that I, who saw the face of God and tasted the eternal joys of heaven am not tormented with ten thousand hells in being deprived of everlasting bliss?" (Mephostophiles)
It seems that all we want is nothing more than a great big hug...
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17th March 2007ce
Saint Patrick's Day and a nice diary entry. living:stone have been asked to perform at a benefit gig to raise money and awareness for Horizon House, the Northern Ireland Children's Hospice. living:stone have gladly accepted.
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11th March 2007ce
Everything is like a Movie, except instead of watching it, I'm actually IN it. It may also be a case of 'lucid dreaming'. Either way, I'm playing in the big sea that is The World, riding whatever waves come at me. Sometimes I catch the next wave perfectly and glide along it with grace, but most the time I get thrown about in the torrent like a novice out of his depth. I wouldn't have it any other way...
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4th March 2007ce
May this bubble never burst.
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3rd March 2007ce
The morning after the night after, the night after a belter gig at The Bunker. If you weren't there, it's your loss. The band are beginning to musically cook like a Red-Hot Mama and it feels good. I feel indebted to the band members Vic, Howlette, Krzysztov and ChrisMac. I obviously couldn't do it without them. They enable me to manifest my dreams.
The thing that pleased me most about the gig was the presence of my wife, Jain. The thought of her at one of my gigs terrified me, for if we were bad, she would directly tell me so. It means a lot to me what she thinks and to hear her tell me that we were good was music to my ears... Her Joy is My Joy...That little lady enables me to manifest in total.
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25th February 2007ce
I'm very grateful for the positive comments that have been posted on the MySpace page and communicated to me privately about the music of living:stone. It means a lot.
So you, dear gentle reader are welcomed with open arms to be part of this trip. The choice is yours...x.

"The Royal Secret, of which you are Prince, if you are a true Adept, if knowledge seems to you advisable, and Philosophy is, for you, radiant with a divine beauty, is that which the Sohar terms The Mystery of the balance. It is the Secret of the Universal Equilibrium." ('Morals and Dogmas' by Albert Pike)
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2nd February 2007ce
Verses cherry-picked from "The Lightbringer" by Killing Joke...

"The rebellious spirit in you and me... The Lightbringer.
Which intelligence gave geometry,
binary system, complex cycles of astronomy?
Number, proportion, measurement,light,
angle,mathematics all appeared overnight!

Who is the symbol of the serpent snake?
Who gave us knowledge of medicine?
Who knew precisely the earth diameter?
Who modified our bestial character?
Civilizer Initiator Liberator O Enlightener - COME!"
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26th January 2007ce
MobilePhoneObsession - On a five minute trip to a garage I counted eight people talking or texting on their mobile 'phones. The girl who worked in the garage was serving customers while speaking on her 'phone to her friend about what she did last night. The girl she was serving was texting a message to someone. Even though the two of them were interacting with each other, they seemed oblivious to the other. There were three males standing outside the garage sharing mobile 'phone ring-tones with each other..."here, what about this one? Imagine being wiped out and listening to that..." one of them said. Another three people I spotted in the garage either talking or texting on their 'phones.
IdiotWriting - I received an email from someone telling me that they were "still in a shit job" and I read another letter from someone who informed me that he was attending a "creative wratting coarse" - he meant "creative writing course".

What is society coming to?
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19th January 2007ce
This 'going forward' business is a relentless task I can tell you, but I'm as happy as a pig in doo-doo and enjoying the ride... and it IS just a ride.
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14th January 2007ce
I'm going to a studio tomorrow to work on some more music for the album 'Voyeurism' and I can't wait. Of course that is totally dependent on whether I am still alive then, so I'd better take one challenge at a time - and the first of tomorrow's challenges is to waken up. We'll see after that...
Before I go; do yourself a favour by asking yourself if you are genuinely happy with your life. If you're not, then at least attempt to change it. Even a SMALL change will make a difference.
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10th January 2007ce
I'm reading "Mastery" by George Leonard. He speaks of the levels of Mastery as "plateaus" on where we exist until we experience short bursts of progress, each of which is followed by a slight decline back to a plateau, except this new level is higher than the one which preceded it.
It's the DOING and BEING that matters - not the final target you have set yourself, for Mastery does not have a final destination that can be reached. Finding the Holy Grail is not what it's about - it's the Quest that matters. Love what you DO.
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3rd January 2007ce
The living:stone project goes forward this year or stops. Since its conception in 2002ce, it has been a mAgIcAL wOrKiNg of the Highest with its initial purpose of providing a "shrink's chair" that could be used for my outpourings. Whether anyone actually reads them being irrelevant, this site has been a gateway to unfathomable wisdom regarding the Objective and Subjective Universes. After this project, the only place to go is EVERYWHERE, with the Bringer of Light as the Archetypal Principle.
I hope dear reader, that you are wise enough to grasp that concept. If you are shocked or confused, then forget about it...
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22nd December 2006ce
It's nearly three weeks since the last entry into this journal. I've been busy with other projects that are floating around the ether of the Internet. It's brilliant to get rid of crap that builds up inside. This verse from the Gospel of Thomas from The Nag Hammadi Library says it all really -
"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
It's also the Winter Solstice. The Sun of God dies only to be resurrected again in three days time. On the 25th December, the only begotten Sun of God will be born again to start another yearly cycle with His twelve disciples, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius... "Oh! The blasphemy!" I hear you say.
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"5th December 2006ce
"In the future there will be no more men and no more women - just a whole world full of wankers..."
from the movie "Gregory's Girl"
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2nd December 2006ce
living:stone - Katy Daly's, 30th November, 2006.
And the live set opened with a one minute length, lone trumpet solo with myself clanging a bell while reciting;

"I Invoke Thee, The Nameless One,
The Borneless One
The Hidden God,
The Secret God.

I Evoke Thee,
The Ageless Intelligence of The Universe,
Who dwells in a spiralling tower fortress,
Who has guided and overseen our evolution from time immemorial,
Who has remained concealed but very close to us awaiting the future time of re-awakening.

Illuminate this room,
Let us enter into the Realm of Possibilities,
Let us see The Black Flame,
Reveal the full Glory of The Void.

Oh Children, take the flame inside you,
Burn and burn below,
Fire seed and fire feed,
To make the baby grow... BECOME!!!"

After that began strange funk music, and after that was a stunned silence..
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27th November 2006ce

Stepping through Ganzir...

To the Abyss,
Out of the Gates of the Living,
To enter the Gates of Death,
Out of the Lands we know,
Into the Lands we know not,
To the Land of No Return.

I'm just back from Cardiff where I met with some great people. I was asked to give a presentation on my music - why did I make the music and what I hoped to achieve from it? So I fumbled my way through a naive-style talk with me also firing questions to the listeners about the old world merging with modern times, which is the concept behind the 'A Collection of Music' album.
One important lesson I learned from this experience, is that I should have no fear in what I do, providing the intent is for a positive outcome. My first-draft presentation was more formal and had more depth, but I plumped for an 'impromptu' style talk going with the flow of the moment. The former in hindsight should have been the presentation I used, but hey, next time...

Anyway, the weekend did involve the prescence of Loki. He's a Trickster and a Prankster, a "fool" you could say. He represents living without fear or care. The prescence of such a principle led five grown-up males parading up and down a street in Cardiff shouting "Bring out your Jews! Bring out your Jews!" and singing "I should be so Loki, Loki, Loki, Loki..."
Another surreal night in the life of living:stone. I could right a fekkin' book on my strange nights.
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17th November 2006ce
The first rehearsal of the "living:stone" project went swimmingly. It was a good feeling to be playing music from the 'A Collection of Music' album of which I am very proud. It is music that comes from inside me and it's who I am, so I can be nothing else than proud of it. The Gift of Set is a truly remarkable thing when you allow it to flow freely through your veins.
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11th November 2006ce
Preparations are under way for the first live performance of the "living:stone" project. The band rehearses in two days time and it will be very interesting to see how it goes. If it doesn't work, I'm going to pull the plug on it. It's got to be right or not at all. My aim is to make people go away from the gig thinking "what the f#%k was that?" Anything less and I will have failed.
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1st November 2006ce
I've just been asked to play a live set on the 30th November as part of the BELFEST 2006 festival. Now the logistical problems of how I'm going to perform my music live is the obstacle, although it should be an interesting challenge to the five or six people who will be involved in the shows. I'm really looking forward to taking this music out live - it's so much different from the usual drums/bass/guitar/vocal set up which 99% of bands consist of.
...And all that reminds me of the first time I let a certain chap hear my music. His jaw dropped open and he had a totally bewildered look on his face - almost as if I had stripped naked in front of him - he said to me, "but... but that's not music... how will you ever be able to market that?" Although because is a fan of Eric Clapton, he therefore has by default, an invalid opinion.
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31st October 2006ce
It's 3am and I've just played at the last of six shows where a group of us had to create original music for a circus. It was a great experience and lots of fun. It's all happening again next years so we must have done something right.
Oh aye, and it's All Hallow's Eve or to give its Irish name, Samhain, a celebration for "the end of the summer" when the dead would revisit the mortal world, and large communal bonfires would be lit to ward off evil spirits. Ah, the romance of the old world...
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28th October 2006ce
I've been busy working with Belfast Community Circus on six shows going under the title of "Spirits of The Circus". It's great fun and the music we are playing is dark, dischordant and groovy. It's strangely attractive...
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18th October 2006ce
The Objective Universe is becoming increasingly more perplexing. I think I'm sliding into living within the Subjective Universe and that's not good at all. I've got to "keep it real" less I shall disappear completely from the world of Man and into a world of sheer fantasy, although maybe "there is a pleasure sure in being mad which none but madmen know".
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15th October 2006ce
"If it feels right
Just drive for the light
That's the groovessential facts
Someday we'll all meet at the end of the street
At the Teahouse on the Tracks."
Donald Fagen - "Teahouse on the Tracks"
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15th October 2006ce
Tao the undivided, Great One, gives rise to two opposite reality principles, Darkness and Light, yin and yang. These are at first thought of only as forces of nature apart from man. Later, the sexual polarities and others as well, are derived from them. From yin comes K'un, the receptive feminine principle; from yang comes Ch'ien, the creative masculine principle; from yin comes ming, life; from yang, hsing or essence.

Each individual contains a central monad which, at the moment of conception, splits into life and essence, ming and hsing. These two are super-individual principles, and so can be related to eros and logos.

In the personal bodily existence of the individual they are represented by two other polarities, a p'o soul (or anima) and a hun soul (or animus). All during the life of the individual these two are in conflict, each striving for mastery. At death they separate and go different ways. The anima sinks to earth as kuei, a ghost-being. The animus rises and becomes shen, a revealing spirit or god. Shen may in time return to Tao.

If the life-forces flow downward, that is, without let or hindrance into the outer world, the anima is victorious over the animus; no "spirit body" or "Golden Flower" is developed, and, at death, the ego is lost. If the life-forces are led through the "backward-flowing" process, that is, conserved, and made to "rise" instead of allowed to dissipate, the animus had been victorious, and the ego persists after death. It is then possessed of shen, the revealing spirit. A man who holds to the way of conservation all through life may reach the stage of the "Golden Flower," which then frees the ego from the conflict of the opposities, and it again becomes part of Tao, the undivided, Great One.

From The Secret of the Golden Flower, a Chinese Book of Life.
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14th October 2006ce
I'm busy rehearsing for a show that is happening tomorrow night. I'm playing guitar in four songs at the concert which will be at a packed Waterfront Hall in Belfast. Life at the moment is manifesting as me doing a spinning plates routine, trying to be in several places at the same time.
After that concert, the next project will be playing Circus music at an actual circus, which should be good fun.
After that it's time to begin working out how to take my music out to a live audience - a bit of a technical headache, but fun nevertheless and ALL part of BECOMING.

"You have adorned yourself as Great-of-Magic, He-in-Ombos, Lord of the South (Seth). It will not be lost for you, it will not cease for you. Lo, you are full of glory, powerful one, more than the gods of the South, together with their spirits !" (Utterance #204 - Texts From the Pyramid of Unas)
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4th October 2006ce
You think your somebody important? Somebody who is indispensable? Someone who is needed? Maybe you are or maybe you're suffering from delusion in thinking that you are, or maybe you are and don't see it, or the last option... maybe you're not.
It's one of those anyway. Maybe there are other possible scenarios, but I'm too tired and wish to abruptly stop this gibberish. Bed.
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1st October 2006ce
The last diary entry stated that I was in a "low period". In total contrast to that, yesterday was a brilliant day recording music in Earthmusic Studio. A creative 'fire' was raging, which is a really exhilarating sensation. Come to think of it, I was recording a song titled "riddle" which features the chorus lines,
"Get down on The Black Flame,
You're going down on The Black Flame,
There's nothing can stop you,
When The Black Flame's burning in your soul."
What a day.
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26th September 2006ce
A low period. A barren period made a little easier after watching a television documentary about the actor/writer, Stephen Fry and his battle with Bipolar Disorder, also known as Manic Depression. I related to his story a great deal specifically how he would drift from periods of creative bliss to periods of extreme self-loathing...
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13th September 2006ce
"He saw the great Mystery, he knew the Hidden:
He recovered the knowledge of all the times before the Flood.
He journeyed beyond the distant, he journeyed beyond exhaustion,
And then carved his story on stone".
An extract from "The Epic of Gilgamesh", thought to be the oldest written story on Earth dating back to somewhere between 2750 and 2500 BCE.
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8th September 2006ce
There is SO much happening at the minute. So much to do, so many books to read, so much of me to develop, so much music to be written and recorded, so many demands from my children to meet. Well, in reality they don't have to be done, rather I want to do them. Plus I am getting one of my impulses again - this time to investigate the possibility of a relationship between Rune Symbolism and Music - RuneMusic? On my own head be it...
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30th August 2006ce
A weekend in Cardiff talking about Philosophy followed by a week in Gloucester admiring the Cotswolds and playing percussion with the Chai Chapel, I'm SO glad to be home. Although what memorable experiences they were.
While I was in Gloucester or Cheltenham to be more precise, I went to a debate about Northern Ireland and where the "Peace Process" was going. At the debate was Alex Easton from the VERY Protestant and Unionist Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) and Philip McGuigan from the VERY Irish Republican political party, Sinn Fein (SF). Sinn Fein are despised to the par of ten by the DUP to the point where they will not actually engage in dialogue with them, such is their abhorrence of them. After the debate I happened to notice Alex Easton and Philip McGuigan casually strolling together around the area where the debate was held, both chatting and eating a box of Southern Fried Chicken and Chips.
What a charade this public face of the Northern Ireland Peace Process is for if both men were being filmed for public viewing, there is NO way Alex Easton would have be seen socialising with Philip McGuigan...
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18th August 2006ce
I'm writing this before I set off for Cardiff for a couple of days by myself and I'm looking forward to it. The purpose is to meet some new found people and discover more about The Temple of Set and its philosophies. It's all part of educating myself, for that great quest will never stop as long as my dicky ticker still beats...
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13th August 2006ce
A day recording at Earthmusic studio. It was an amazing experience recording the vocal to the song "mind" - we are using the first take as the one for the final mix. I remember coming out of the booth after the first attempt feeling exhilarated. A brilliant feeling, that I have been lucky enough to experience through music many times.
In the previous diary entry, I was waffling on about how I would "invoke The Black Flame of Creativity" and allow Him to compose the rest of the lyrics to "mind" - well, here's what 'He' came up with;
"I can make you mind. I can make you a mind. I can make your mind. I can make you mine" and;
"Rhythm writhes through every act. Wild is The Dance, its balance EXACT."
The first lyric comes from my frustration with people allowing themselves to be hypnotised by others in positions of 'public influence' into living lives which they do not really want to live. The second is straight from Pan Himself... wild and free. Sue me.
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12th August 2006ce
I'm in the studio tomorrow to record the vocals to a song titled "mind" that I haven't completed the lyrics for, so this is me trying to write them. Here's what I've got so far...

How many times do you have to screw it up before you finally learn,
That your drama keeps unfolding with every twist and turn?
You say you want nothing to change,
You'll stay with what is safe, what is home,
The Devil scares you,
But it's all in your mind.
It's all in your mind.
The All is your mind...

There you go. Done. As for the rest of the words, I will invoke The Black Flame of Creativity and allow Him to compose them. It IS all for Him after all... isn't it?
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8th August 2006ce
What Odin whispered In Baldr's ear,
Not god nor man Was nigh to hear.
What Odin whispered, Bending low,
No one knowth Or e're shall know...
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6th August 2006ce
All I have is Now. I'm sitting here, it's 2:30am and all around me is quiet. Apart from the hum of a computer and the click, clack, clicking of my computer keyboard. I'm in a house in Ireland, surrounded by my beautiful sleeping family. They may be fighting dragons in their dreamworlds, but I am Here, Now. That's all.
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5th August 2006ce
It may be much too simplistic, or is it, to suggest that to achieve peace maybe we should consider the option of "STOP FIGHTING"? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm almost definite that it would work, yet no-one seems brave enough to actually do the "stop fighting" bit.
Land division, land division, land division. People division. Right and Wrong. Evil and Just. Good and Bad. Us and Them, Ours and Yours. It's Fire fighting Fire. It's a wound being treated with poison. Meanwhile time ticks away on this stunning galactic Earthgarden now riddled with the dis-ease spread by a deadly strain of Humanvirus. It's parasitic and downright vulgar. But hey, that's easy for me to say back here at my desk. It's a different matter when it's happening outside your front door...
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31st July 2006ce
Holy Bollocks! It's turning out that the Good Guys are actually the bloody Bad Guys. What a swizz. What a swindle. "Ever had the feeling you've been cheated?" (John Lydon - San Francisco's Winterland Ballroom 1978).
Be VERY wary of people shoutiing about burning Witches and proclaiming things as "EVIL" - reverse it and "LIVE".
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22nd July 2006ce
Many people are looking for a quiet place to settle down, with Self Remembering they eventually create it inside and carry it with them wherever they go - Just try and stop me.
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22nd July 2006ce
I'm watching Fritz Lang's 'Metropolis' and I had to stop the film to start typing this. Why, I don't know. Maybe I'm supposed to document what I have learnt since the last diary entry, so here goes...
I have learnt that there is so much I don't know about My Self however I do know that there is a creative power. Some call it "Genius", some call it "The Muse", some call it "Wisdom", some call it "Illumination", some call it "Enlightenment" and some call it "The Black Flame". It matters not what it is called. It's there and I have experienced it quite a number of times. I hope you do too.
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12th July 2006ce
The Twelfth of July. Some people in Northern Ireland call it "the glorious twelfth", while others call it a nightmare. It all depends which side of the fence you are from. My problem with it all is that I cannot see ANY fence at all. Ireland is a big sod of land. It's NOT divided. The people are NOT divided, they simply think they are so. Protestants versus Catholics - there has never been a bigger swindle, con or deception on the land of Ireland. The wretched and vulgar souls who are mind-controlled into believing there is a divide really are on one hand to be pitied, but then the Nietzsche in me says, "Nothing is more unhealthy, amid all our unhealthy modernism, than Christian pity. To be the doctors here, to be unmerciful here, to wield the knife here - all this is our business, all this is our sort of humanity, by this sign we are philosophers, we Hyperboreans !"
So in that case, I'd better leave the swill to the swine. I will dine on honeydew and drink The Milk of Paradise...
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3rd July 2006ce
I've survived another day and still I am alive and obviously if you are reading this, YOU have survived another day and are also still alive. The world average death rate is 8.67 deaths per 1,000 population (2006 est.), so there are quite a few people who can't share that thought - so stop whining and fix whatever it is you whine on about. Drive yourself forward, right to the brink and over - Live.
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1st July 2006ce
It's time to be strong. It's time to accept that living involves pain. What you have today can ALL disappear in a tiny moment - and it's ALL in your own hands. Don't shirk your responsibilities. You do it all to yourself. Don't blame others, or fate, or God. YOU are the one who screws up.
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13th June 2006ce
If it's your will, you can get lost in the swampmud. You are free to do so. No harm done. I'm choosing to move in as many directions as I can. Maybe I'll get lost too. You, lost in society's quagmire and me, in a purple haze. Stasis versus motion. The former, a safe haven in comfort and leisure and the latter, dynamic, chaotic and inspirational. Queen Elizabeth II versus Bjork. Choose your weaponry VERY carefully. The rest is up to you.
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3rd June 2006ce
"My idea is that every specific body strives to become master over all space and to extend its force (its will to power) and to thrust back all that resists its extension. But it continually encounters similar efforts on the part of other bodies and ends by coming to an arrangement ("union") with those of them that are sufficiently related to it: thus they then conspire together for power. And the process goes on..."
from "The Will to Power" by Friedrich Nietzsche
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30th May 2006ce
The only way to destroy hatred is with love. Hatred can not be defeated with more hatred. This is a very important lesson to learn.
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19th May 2006ce
I've been once more on the trail of the one known as "Jesus Christ" and yet again, the actual documented evidence of his physical existence is so threadbare, amounting to nothing more than hearsay and folklore, that it annoyed me as to why I research this.
I remain in utter disbelief how certain people I know who have a certain degree of intelligence can accept the Christian fable as an actual historical event. It appears that rigid faith relies on no new knowledge at all being allowed to emerge and potentially influence and dare I say it, challenge the status quo.... but don't get me wrong, I'm a great advocate of being "Christed". Christ comes from the Greek "Christos" meaning "anointed", and I hope that everyone becomes "Christed", "anointed" or "illuminated" enough to make their OWN minds up and not simply accept the rhetoric spoken by through profane, vulgar mouths driven from unsubstantiated thoughts, ideas and beliefs.
Don't buy lies, or rise to a challenge here....
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9th May 2006ce
I've just read about how a 15-year-old boy was attacked by a gang in County Antrim. He has died in hospital from his injuries. A relative said the attackers hit the boy with a baseball bat and "jumped on his head".
We have to do something to educate people - not just how to get a decent job, but how to live a decent life. Is it not the duty and responsibility of everyone who is lucky enough to see the world beyond violent actions, to attempt to share this valuable knowledge with others?
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3rd May 2006ce
I tell you, music can drive you mad, if you let it.
For the past three weeks it's been writing, recording or "teaching" music. Sometimes I just want to run for them there hills. Oh for some middle ground! It's either the depths of tiredness and negativity, or it's euphoria and a joie de vivre that champions over any form of 'backward' thinking.
"You do it to yourself, you do..."
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28th April 2006ce
Okay, I'm writing this simply because I feel that I should be documenting something of what is tumbling and spiraling all around my little brain - for self-preservation purposes, not because what is bashing and clattering through my mind is in any way worthwhile reading, or valuable information.
I reckon that the VAST majority of humans are inherently 'good' - that is, not psychopathic maniacs, as the media would have us believe.
Have you ever thought that as we stumble, bleary-eyed, into shops on the way to our early morning jobs, how we can't help but notice out of the corner of one of those bleary eyes, the newspaper headline buzzwords such as, "MURDER, CARNAGE, HORROR, DEATH, WAR" etc. etc.
When was the last time you noticed a gentle word such as "Love" or "Peace" or "Happy" appearing in a newspaper headline????
Don't buy lies.
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17th April 2006ce
Yesterday I signed a contract with a record company "audio-ill", to produce music for them. The first release will be later this year and it will be an EP single containing five tracks. There will hopefully be live performances which will present a really interesting challenge, considering that it will NOT be a standard drums/bass/guitar/vocal setup. I will have to recruit the efforts of maybe seven or eight people to be able to reproduce this music properly in a live format.
All remains to be seen... it may happen or it may not.
If Amar Bharti in 1973, can raise his arm vertically in the air as if he was a small child begging to answer a call of nature, and keep a vow to this day, that it was never to come down again, then surely I can form a poxy little music combo'...
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15th April 2006ce
"livingstonemusic.net" has been a worthwhile project. It's been almost like an online crucifixion. From the first entry into this journal on 26th July 2002, I feel I have come a long, long way from someone with his head firmly implanted up his bum, to this other someone who is a bit more "content" for the want of a better word.
If this site is in tandem with this shift, then it has to change to reflect just that. So it should be "bye bye" to sensationalist conspiracy theories, such as how most Government Administrations are corrupt power-mongers - you don't need me to tell you that, do you?
And how Religion is the greatest tool of division, hatred, war, slaughter, and is ultimately downright anti the ways of The Christ - you didn't need me to tell you that, do you?
And when Agent Smith told Neo in "The Matrix" that "there is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet." - you didn't need him to tell you that, do you?
As far as I can see, the meat of the sandwich lies in the following words, "Do unto others as you would have them do to you". (The Bible - Luke 6:31). So mote it be.
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7th April 2006ce
To say "I couldn't be arsed" would accurately reflect the current mood.
There has been a severe inner 'aching' that has been one hundred per cent consistent throughout this little life of mine. It's an aching to be alone with (not 'from') everything. The natural world I can handle - it's there - just go with it, not against it. Easy. But the ways of Man - well that's a whole different game to play... and I've come to the conclusion that regarding joining in with the ways of man, well to be honest, "I couldn't be arsed".
So, I'll leave you all to it. Send me a postcard from a holiday beach resort while you're listening to an Eric Clapton "Greatest Hits" album on your iPod. Love your money. Flaunt your children as social jewels. Dance with America. Go and watch "Riverdance". Eat a meal and discuss its flavours with your partner. Hide from that voice inside you that is telling you something that you don't want to hear. Tell yourself that you ARE normal.
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30th March 2006ce
Alone and making music. The slow transformation of ideas into manifestation as some kind of musical form has begun. The current idea going under the working title of "hellmyth" is something I'm liking the sound of -
The track is inspired by famous urban myth about a Russian geological group who allegedly drilled a hole about 14.5 kilometers deep into the crust of the earth. The story goes that a recording was made of the sounds from deep in the hole, but the intense heat destroyed the microphone so only seventeen seconds of sound could be captured. The "recording" sounds like human voices and screams.
I'm using this noise as a background to a current working idea. Obviously the story is mythological pants, but I'm picking on the sounds with an interest in how we perceive this "place" named "Hell" would actually sound like...
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24th March 2006ce
Diabolus fecit, ut id facerem! - The Devil made me do it!
Imprisoned by madness we are like moths drawn to the flame, doing wrong, hoping to each time escape back to the safety of our little homes... continually avoiding that fateful day when the fire not only burns us, but entirely consumes us. Beware the Ides of March!
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19th March 2006ce
I'm writing and gathering ideas together for a batch of music that will be soon recorded. It's all going under the title of "voyeurism". I've got ideas, half-ideas, singular thoughts, whole song lyrics, rhythms, melodies and chord sequences swimming around my head like frantic little fish, all crammed into the tiny swimming bowl that is my little brain. There's just not enough room for them all to coexist together. As each song is finished and recorded, that will rid me of the little clusters of madness, one by one. Rome wasn't built in a day y'know...
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6th March 2006ce
Gad, there's SO much wonderful and inspirational music out there in the world that the masses will probably never hear. I've written this after listening to The The's incredible album "Mind Bomb". When Matt Johnson penned these songs 'back' in 1988 did he have an slightest notion just how relevant they would be "X" amount of years later?
"Islam is rising, the Christians mobilising, the world is on its elbows and knees, it's forgotten the message and worships the creeds..."
Anyway, I'll bid farewell with a "Mind Bomb" thought;
"Who is it, whose words have been twisted beyond recognition, in order to build your planet Earth's religions?
And who is it, who could make your little armies of the left and your little armies of the right, light up your skies tonight?
Who is it, that turns your blood into spirit and your spirit into blood?
And who is it, that can reach down from above, and set your souls ablaze with LOVE?"
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26th February 2006ce
Here we go. Another little message sent into the ethernet;
Tired. Perplexed. Hammered into submission on wondering. All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small. All things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all. He also gave man a brain and that was a faux pas and a half. But then, we can't blame the whole of Creation for us being uneducated shitheads.
Adam, Prometheus, Frankenstein... what have you done?!
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17th February 2006ce
In the darkness something was happening at last. A voice had begun to sing. It was very far away and Digory found it hard to decide from what direction it was coming. Sometimes it seemed to come from all directions at once. Sometimes he almost thought it was coming out of the earth beneath them. Its lower notes were deep enough to be the voice of the earth herself. There were no words. There was hardly even a tune. But it was, beyond comparison, the most beautiful noise he had ever heard. It was so beautiful he could hardly bear it. The horse seemed to like it too; he gave the sort of whinney a horse would give if, after years of being a cab-horse, it found itself back in the old field where it had played as a foal, and saw someone whom it remembered and loved coming across the field to bring it a lump of sugar.

"Gawd!" said the Cabby. "Ain't it lovely?"

Then two wonders happened at the same moment. One was that the voice was suddenly joined by other voices; more voices than you could possibly count. They were in harmony with it, but far higher up the scale: cold, tingling, silvery voices. The second wonder was that the blackness overhead, all at once, was blazing with stars. They didn't come out gently one by one, as they do on a summer evening. One moment there had been nothing but darkness; next moment a thousand, thousand points of light leaped out - single stars, constellations, and planets, brighter and bigger than any in our world. There were no clouds. The new stars and the new voices began at exactly the same time. If you had seen and heard it, as Digory did, you would have felt quite certain that it was the stars themselves which were singing, and that it was the First Voice, the deep one, which had made them appear and made them sing.

"Glory be!" said the Cabby, "I'd ha' been a better man all my life if I'd known there were things like this."

(C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew)
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15th February 2006ce
Sitting, typing, with no reason apart from the commitment to record these type of thoughts in order that they may be read in the future.... for erm, uh, ANALysis purposes.
Since the first entry into this journal dated 26th July 2002, I have travelled from the persona of wannabe mystic to the current incarnation as a grumpy old bollocks. All in the space of three and a half years.
My grumpy old bollocks self would tend to agree with Agent Smith from "The Matrix" when he announced about the human species that "There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet." But then, that IS the viewpoint of a fucking android type 'thing' - they WOULD say that. Bah, Humbug.
Oh, and while I'm on that subject, WHAT terror?? Where ARE these threats of terror that the British and US Governments repeatedly insist are there, around us in our everyday lives?? It harks back to the 1950's well-acted out paranoia of the "threat of Communism".
"Oceania was at war with Eurasia: therefore Oceania had always been at war with Eurasia. The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that any past or future agreement with him was impossible." (George Orwell "1984" )
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4th February 2006ce
Ever had the feeling that you are a participant in a movie i.e. "All the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts..." ? It feels a LOT like that for me. Anyway, enough of that. Change your heart. It will astound you.
Everbody's got to learn sometime...
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22nd January 2006ce
We have said that there is no religion without mysteries; let us add that there are no mysteries without symbols. The symbol, being the formula or the expression of a mystery, only expresses it's unknown depth by paradoxical images borrowed from the known. The symbolic form, having for it's object to characterize what is above scientific reason, should necessarily find itself without that reason: hence the celebrated and perfectly just remark of a Father of the Church, 'I believe because it is absurd. Credo Quia Absurdum.' (from "The Key of the Mysteries" by Eliphas Levi)
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15th January 2006ce
A sobering thought: If you live until you are eighty years old, which is considered "a good innings", you will have lived for a mere 4,160 weeks. Not long eh?
An everyday thought: My family quite often drive me mad but hey, apart from me possessng infinite potential, they're all I've got.
A transcendental thought: If you, the reader and shining, spinning fountain of light, haven't smiled lately, then for your own sake, just smile. Go on...
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25th December 2005ce
Christ Mass morning, 10:30am and I'm sitting here typing this while listening to Nizlopi's beautiful "JCB song"..."and we're holding up the bypass, me and my Dad having a top laugh..." God, he was a very lucky boy to see his Dad as "a giant sitting beside me". Some of us turkeys out here in the world never knew those feelings. Me, I had an oul' bastard for a Dad. Fuck him.
"I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee, he drives me round in his JCB." The first song in donkeys that made me cry uncontrollably.
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18th December 2005ce
I attended a Christmas Carol Service in a church which had the aura of one that was 'dying'. The air was one of stifled passion and untapped brilliance. It was the dead waiting for new life. A new era. A new 'Savoiur'. Pisces finally submitting to Aquarius.
William Butler Yeats' poem "The Second Coming" came to mind and here it is in its entirity...

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight; somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
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5th December 2005ce
A single definition of the object of all Magical or Religious Ritual: It is the uniting of the Microcosm with the Macrocosm. Man with God. The Lower Self with the Higher Self. The Inner You with the Outer Universe. Base Instinct with Higher Intelligence. The six-pointed Hexagram containing two triangles, one symbolising God descending into Man and the other reflecting Man's ascension towards God. The Star of David; a cryptic formula of enlightenment for those with the eyes to see.
Or maybe this is further proof that I really AM losing the plot.
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1st December 2005ce
Yesterday was one seriously busy day of musical activities. I recorded a song going by the title of "TheRaven". It's on to the mixing stage now and I'm leaving that in the hands of someone else as an experiment. Will my control freakery allow